Reaching fifty can be quite traumatic.
Ancient Romans called it “Going to L”.
You must still bring home the bacon
which, for you, is now quite indigestible.
And, while watching pretty women pass by
continues to be very pleasant,
you’ve found, when they get closer,
you have to change lenses.
Gene Newman is a retired old guy (90 yrs) and former New Jersey journalist and columnist. Read more at GeneNewmanImagineThat.com.
Very sad news. The beloved president of our debating club has passed away.
The funeral is tomorrow and I’m quite upset about the arrangements.
As is only proper, our club’s vice president will be giving the eulogy.
But, against my protestations, I was chosen by lot to give the rebuttal.
Gene Newman wrote this story.
I can’t help my grandkids with their math homework.
Farmer Brown is no longer involved with his milk cans and baskets to fill. Now they struggle with Boolean algebra, whatever that is.
I think Boolea’s in the Middle East somewhere and just had a revolution.
Maybe it was about algebra.
Gene Newman wrote this story.
I was impolitely ordered to leave the supermarket today
and I still don’t know the reason.
Being a good Samaritan, I was helping an elderly lady
who couldn’t reach a top shelf item.
Suddenly a manager was shouting angrily at me.
So I put down the old lady and left.
Gene Newman wrote this story.
My prim neighborhood’s light green lawns and dark green shrubbery
are sorely lacking in exciting color.
I long to see the rainbow surprises of newborn flowers
as I walk down my street on a spring day.
So now, each and every predawn morning,
I stealthily sow future marigolds and zinnias.
Gene Newman wrote this story.
People rudely ask, “How old are you?” and then look shocked when I answer, “Ninety.”
“Well, God bless you,” they say.
Ninety isn’t that old. Millions of turtles are older than me.
My grandson yearns to be older, so he’s “six and a half.”
Therefore, I’m now 60 and a half.
Gene Newman wrote this story. See more at GeneNewmanImagineThat.com.
My perfect unarmed robbery plan:
A busy bank with everyone in masks,
depositors, clerks and me.
My note to a youngish teller: “Two
hundred twenties in this bag please,
or else.”
Her nervous compliance, poor kid,
and then my calm, unobtrusive
departure.
The only possible flaw:
My squeaky getaway walker.
Gene Newman is a retired old guy (90 yrs) and former New Jersey journalist and columnist. Read more at GeneNewmanImagineThat.com.