“I don’t get it,” said Kyle. “They walk across tight-ropes and swing around on bars and ride motorcycles and stuff, but where’s the rest?”
“What do you mean, ‘the rest’?”
“You know, the boss fights. The item gathering. The plot. This is the boringest platformer ever.”
“…We’re at a circus.”
A man walked up to me in the park today and asked, “Are you eating that?”
I was confused. I wasn’t eating anything. I turned to him and said, “No.”
He promptly took a large bite out of my upper thigh and walked away.
I wish I had said “Yes.”
This guest story comes from Dave Eves, a soon-to-graduate film student and independent filmmaker.
The entire town had gathered to witness the unveiling of a new method of execution.
A fine specimen of a man was watching with the others. He stood a head taller than anyone else in the crowd.
But after the Horizontal Guillotine malfunctioned, no one looked up to him anymore.
“The next shooter up is One-Eyed Joe, who has selected a well-balanced Luger handgun. Here he goes…
“Oh! Sorry folks, no luck yet.
“Now we have Drunken Donny Davis. He’s really waving that twelve-gauge around! Let’s see if he can put a hole in the broad side of the barn.”
A man, celebrating the long-deserved victory of his favorite football team, bounded out of the dimly lit tavern and into the street. He raised his hands in the air and proclaimed to the heavens the thrill and excitement of witnessing such an historic achievement.
He was hit by a bus.
This guest story was written by Brice Puls. He blogs at http://onedecentguy.wordpress.com.
Heaven sighed.
She said, “Everything I do… I do it for you. Straight from the heart.”
So far, so good, he thought.
“Do I have to say the words? There’s somebody else. Please forgive me. This time it’s only love.”
He cried, “It cuts like a knife!”
They were soulmates.
Editor: There are eight song titles and one album title in this story. Can you identify them all? And do you know which musician performed the album?
The foreman scribbled calculations on his clipboard. “We’ve done it before, but never on this scale.”
“Cost is unimportant,” said the king, opening his wallet. “She wants it done, so it must be done.”
The foreman nodded understandingly. “If she says ‘move the castle,’ then you better castle queen side.”
Editor’s Note: This story was based on a call on Twitter for two nouns and a verb. @davefp responded with castle (noun), wallet, and castle (verb, as in chess).
Harvey the hamster skidded on the hardwood floor, rounding the corner at high speed–hunting speed. Just ahead, his prey scrambled desperately towards the carpet, where Harvey’s plastic hamster-ball would lose its superior maneuverability.
Harvey ran faster. There would be no escape this time!
With a heavy thud, they collided.
The lumberjack swung his mighty axe, hewing the trunk of the towering Douglas Fir.
O! Would he ever see her again? Her plaid jacket, her ruddy cheeks, the long, luxurious, curly hair that graced her pretty head and legs?
With a heart full of longing, he cried her name: “Timber!”
A guy walks into a bar. He saunters towards a group of girls and sends a nonchalant scowl in their direction. He suavely turns his head to the nearest girl and winks.
He says to the bartender, “I’ll have what she’s having.”
The bartender says, “One Pink Lady, coming up.”
This guest story was written by Sonia Sayani. Sonia is, in her own words, “but an eternally something-to-do-searching Canadian with a computer.”