“Taco chips taste just about as exciting as being in Mexico would be.”
“That is a ridiculous statement,” said Angie.
“I don’t think so,” said Alice. “I’ve been to Mexico, and it wasn’t very exciting.”
“This is probably the lamest conversation I have ever transcribed,” said Harold Garfinkel, the ethnomethodologist.
The big grey wolf was very lonely, but its howling scared away all of the other woodland creatures.
One day it came across a chubby little baby bunny, which had gotten lost after a farmer killed its family.
The bunny and the wolf became BFFs. No one got eaten. Yay!
Valerie the vegan decided to spend a week eating nothing but baby carrots and drinking nothing but water.
After one day she felt funny.
After three days she felt strange.
After five days she felt weird.
After seven days she felt… orange.
That evening, while she was sleeping, she sprouted.
Claude and Clod watched as the farmer scraped the floors of the barn with the tractor and pushed the manure into a pit.
“He looks sick,” mooed Claude. “Think his milk has gone sour?”
“Don’t try to assign a cow’s traits to a human,” mooed Clod. “That’s just plain foolishness.”
“What do you think would happen if a yodeler got turned into a zombie? Would it cry for our brains with yodels?”
“…No.”
“Ok, stupid question, fair enough. Oh man, you know what would be really freaky, though? Zombified birds. Because they could fly.”
Sometimes I really hate my friends.
@DashP responded to a request for two nouns and a verb with the words “zombie”, “yodels”, and “fly”.
“Ye gods!” exlaimed the Brundlefly.
“What is it!?” cried the Teleporter.
“It did it again!” shouted the Brundlefly. “The Teleporter just spoke to me!”
“Calm down,” said the Mutated Mannequin. “We all have the gift of speech in here, remember?”
“Will you stop making that infernal racket?!” demanded the Floorboards.
@Matt_LRR responded to my request for two nouns and a verb with the words “brundlefly”, “teleporter”, and “mutated”, which is actually two nouns and an adjective, but I decided to go with it anyways.
The cow’s tongue was rough and uncomfortably wet as it slapped its way across his face, licking and licking and licking. He was paralyzed with fear, sure it was getting ready to open its mouth wide and take a bite…
And that was how he got the nickname “Salty Face”.
“Sam? Saaaaaam! There’s a dwarfy elf thing on the lawn!”
Sam rolled out of bed. “Quit gibbering, woman! What is it?” He stumbled to the window.
There was a hobbit in the front yard.
“Dwarfy elf thing?” said Sam. “You have to read some Tolkien.”
He went back to sleep.
“My stuff is in the truck already. Where’s yours?”
“I still think this is a colossal waste of time.”
“Look, I don’t make the rules. On Boxing Day we pack stuff, drive it around, and unpack it again. It’s tradition.”
“No, it’s idiotic.”
“Are you calling me stupid?”
“Absolutely yes.”
“Crash!”
I covered my ears and cried, “What’s going on?”
“Bang!”
I shut my eyes and shouted, “What are you doing?!”
“Boom!”
I clenched my teeth together and grunted, “Stop, please! You’re frightening me!”
He said, “Look, you asked me to demonstrate what onomatopoeia was, and that’s what I’m doing.”