He flourished like a magician, his red cape brilliantly catching the light.
She looked up, and he thought he saw the briefest of smiles before she hid again behind her coloured fan.
His heart swelled, his soul soared, and his lungs collapsed under the hooves of the unusually aggressive bull.
“Oh, come on, you’re pulling my leg…”
“I am not. It’s true!”
“If gasoline is really flammable, then why doesn’t my stomach explode? I’ve been drinking that stuff for years.”
“Well you’d need a spark to set it off.”
“Here, I’ll swallow a lit match to prove it.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.”
This story was inspired by a title supplied by @gameking128 on Twitter.
Trillions of stars exploded. At least, they tried to, but Physics said, “No you don’t, sillies. That’s not how it works. You have to become Red Giants first.”
But the stars decided they didn’t like Physics very much, so they stuck his head in a black hole and exploded anyways.
Sunlight crept over the misty vale.
A small, spotted fawn nuzzled its motionless mother. “Get up, mother!” it said, its tremulous voice full of worry as tears fell from its wide, innocent eyes. “Get up!”
“Shut up, Bambi,” said mother. “It’s, like, six o’clock… Can’t a doe get any rest?”
The gunshot rang through the crowded auditorium.
The bumbling magician’s assistant had shot him in the head, shattering the pane of glass placed between them, yet the magician was unhurt.
He didn’t know what to do next. Nobody would believe he’d really caught the bullet after he accidentally swallowed it.
This is the fifth in a series of five stories submitted by King Kool.
The bumbling magician’s new assistant scoured the city for a pair of fake legs for the classic “sawing a woman in half” trick. She compared mannequins’ legs to her own until she found a match.
Unfortunately, the magician hadn’t mentioned that he’d really wanted to saw her in half vertically.
This is the fourth in a series of five stories submitted by King Kool.
The bumbling magician waved his wand in a small circle. The unmistakable yet intangible power sent a tingle through his tendons.
He brought the wand above his head as Zeus held his lightning bolt.
With an incantation, something appeared in a smoke cloud: the keys he’d locked in his car.
This is the third in a series of five stories submitted by King Kool.
The bumbling magician bought a larger cage for his fat white rabbit. Its obesity meant it no longer fit inside the magician’s top hat and couldn’t perform.
Only when the magician noticed significant weight loss in his other white rabbit did he realize he was feeding one of them twice.
This is the second in a series of five stories submitted by King Kool.
The bumbling magician submitted a job listing.
WANTED: Magician’s Assistant to fill recently vacated position. Female in twenties with magical or theatrical background preferred.
Must be punctual, dedicated, and comfortable with provocative outfits, late nights and knife-throwing tricks.
Knowledge of first aid and experience removing stains from satin a plus.
This is the first in a series of five stories submitted by King Kool.
She was a couch lump.
All day, she did nothing but sit and squint blankly at walls, as if trying to see one of those three-dimensional image things with the weird patterns that you have to look cross-eyed at.
After her parents kicked her out, she stared at trees instead.