Category Archives: Puns and Wordplay

KEN GOSSE: Better Pay Ray (by the Pharoah’s Maestro, D’oh-Raymese)

Amusing, Puns and Wordplay, Submissions, ,

Dough. I needed dough that day.
Ray would loan it for a price.
Me? I took the loan. “Oy vey—”
father said, “such bad advice!”
Soul? I sold mine on that day,
lamenting the price I’d pay.
Teams of hitmen bat away
’til I pay them back their dough!

Ken Gosse prefers writing short, rhyming, humorous poetry. First published in First Literary Review–East in November 2016, he is also in The Offbeat, Pure Slush, Parody, Home Planet News Online, and other publications. Raised in the Chicago suburbs, now retired, he and his wife have lived with their dogs and cats in Mesa, AZ, over twenty years.

JOHN H. DROMEY: Politically Corrected

Amusing, Puns and Wordplay, Submissions, , , , ,

Soon after the admission to full membership of a significant number of female applicants, the board of a previously all-male Bostonian club considered a motion for a new construction project designed specifically to expand the capacity of the powder rooms.

To no one’s great surprise, the voting followed potty lines.

John H. Dromey has had short fiction published in Mystery Weekly Magazine and 190 other venues.

KEN GOSSE: Watching her Beau from a Bough

Amusing, Poetry, Puns and Wordplay, Submissions, , ,

She wore the pink bow
which would grace her trousseau
as her new beau would row
down the river, so peaceful,
so lovely and slow.

But when he saw how
she was watching me now
as I gazed from a bough,
I decided I’d better
bow out of that row.

Ken Gosse usually writes short, rhymed, light poetry but sometimes departs from that. First published in First Literary Review–East in November 2016, later in The Offbeat, Pure Slush and others. Raised in the Chicago suburbs, now retired, he and his wife have lived in Mesa, AZ, over twenty years.

JOHN H. DROMEY: In Questionable Shape

Amusing, Puns and Wordplay, Submissions, ,

Following his annual checkup, Herbie’s doctor recommended he get more fresh air and exercise. He also referred him to a dietician.

“Do you get three square meals a day?” was her first question.

“Not most days,” Herbie admitted. “The majority of the microwavable entrées I buy are in rectangular boxes.”

John H. Dromey has had short fiction published in Mystery Weekly Magazine and 190 other venues.

JOHN H DROMEY: Traced Evidence

Amusing, Puns and Wordplay, Submissions, , ,

“Henderson clearly violated his parole. GPS tracking indicated he drove to Tuscaloosa and back over the weekend. Coffee stains on his trousers contained traces of moonshine.”

“Judge Foster despises long reports. Send him an email.”

“Saying what?”

“Re: Henderson. He came from Alabama with a banned joe on his knee.”

John H. Dromey has had short fiction published in Mystery Weekly Magazine and 190 other venues.

GENE NEWMAN: Unverbed Tale of an Unarmed Heist

Amusing, Puns and Wordplay, Submissions, , ,

My perfect unarmed robbery plan:

A busy bank with everyone in masks,
depositors, clerks and me.

My note to a youngish teller: “Two
hundred twenties in this bag please,
or else.”

Her nervous compliance, poor kid,
and then my calm, unobtrusive
departure.

The only possible flaw:
My squeaky getaway walker.

Gene Newman is a retired old guy (90 yrs) and former New Jersey journalist and columnist. Read more at GeneNewmanImagineThat.com.

CMF WRIGHT: The Tragedy of P—k

Adventure, Amusing, Puns and Wordplay, Submissions, Top Stories, , ,

“Never look directly at the mountains,” warns Peik’s ma. “The gods will strike you down.”

“That’s ridiculous!” says Peik. “They’ve no reason to hurt me. I’ve done nothing wrong.”

In a fit of pique, Peik peeks at the snowy peaks.

The gods, offended by the excess homophones, smite him instantly.

C.M.F. Wright is an avid reader and sentence wrangler. Her short stories have appeared in Fifty Word Stories, Microfiction Monday, Syntax & Salt Magazine and the VSS365 Anthology.

JOHN H. DROMEY: Protecting Life and Limb

Amusing, Puns and Wordplay, Submissions, ,

The witch hired to protect villagers from a predatory shapeshifter reported.

“The werewolf’s no longer a threat. My non-lethal spell minimizes his means of aggression whenever the moon is full. Right now, for instance, he’s all bark and no bite.”

“What did you do?”

“I turned him into a tree.”

John H. Dromey’s short fiction’s been published in Mystery Weekly Magazine and over 150 other venues.

HANNAH KELLEY: Fruit Boy

Amusing, Puns and Wordplay, Submissions, ,

Walter gobbled down the watermelon.

He felt the “plop, plop” as the seeds landed in his stomach.

When he woke the next morning, Walter had stems growing out his nose and a green tinge to his skin.

He was no longer a fully human boy.

He was becoming a Waltermelon.

Hannah Kelley lives in Australia and loves writing and reading micro-fiction. Her favourite fruit is watermelon.

Editor: Groooooan.

JAMES MENGES: The New Dear Leader

Amusing, Puns and Wordplay, Submissions, , , ,

A top propagandist and Politburo member in the party, the younger sister now controls the Guidance and Organization Department, aka G.O.D., the body administering ideological indoctrination, party organization and political appointments.

Through edicts issued by G.O.D., a woman has unprecedented control of the future.

At last, there’s hope for mankind.

James Menges is a writer and photographer. He is a member of the Dramatists Guild of America.