“Let’s do some brainstorming!” said Miss Flannerty. “Today’s topic is Violence.”
Billy and Bobby and Suzie shared words like “punching” and “stabbing” and “capping y’all haters” and “bad”.
“Ah, my mistake,” said Miss Flannerty, pulling some chemicals, syringes, and DVDs out of the closet. “I meant brainwashing.”
It’s Friday. I hate Fridays.
Some Fridays I have nothing to do, so I sleep through lunch and gag down cheap booze at the diner all evening.
Today, I have a job. It’s a freebie. I hate myself.
She’s a brunette. Thinks her husband’s lying to her. She’s probably right.
“We have to whack the President,” said Evan Edgelow.
“What?” said Timothy Thicke. “Barack Obama, the President of the United States?”
“No. The President of the Miley Cyrus Unofficial Fan Club. We have to hit him with a rolled up newspaper.”
“Huh? Why?”
“I don’t ask questions. Publicity stunt, probably.”
The gunshot rang through the crowded auditorium.
The bumbling magician’s assistant had shot him in the head, shattering the pane of glass placed between them, yet the magician was unhurt.
He didn’t know what to do next. Nobody would believe he’d really caught the bullet after he accidentally swallowed it.
This is the fifth in a series of five stories submitted by King Kool.
The bumbling magician’s new assistant scoured the city for a pair of fake legs for the classic “sawing a woman in half” trick. She compared mannequins’ legs to her own until she found a match.
Unfortunately, the magician hadn’t mentioned that he’d really wanted to saw her in half vertically.
This is the fourth in a series of five stories submitted by King Kool.
The bumbling magician waved his wand in a small circle. The unmistakable yet intangible power sent a tingle through his tendons.
He brought the wand above his head as Zeus held his lightning bolt.
With an incantation, something appeared in a smoke cloud: the keys he’d locked in his car.
This is the third in a series of five stories submitted by King Kool.
The bumbling magician bought a larger cage for his fat white rabbit. Its obesity meant it no longer fit inside the magician’s top hat and couldn’t perform.
Only when the magician noticed significant weight loss in his other white rabbit did he realize he was feeding one of them twice.
This is the second in a series of five stories submitted by King Kool.
The bumbling magician submitted a job listing.
WANTED: Magician’s Assistant to fill recently vacated position. Female in twenties with magical or theatrical background preferred.
Must be punctual, dedicated, and comfortable with provocative outfits, late nights and knife-throwing tricks.
Knowledge of first aid and experience removing stains from satin a plus.
This is the first in a series of five stories submitted by King Kool.
It was 9:30 AM in the third grade classroom, and Miss Flannerty was nowhere to be seen.
Billy and Bobby and Suzie wondered if she was sick or sleeping or dead.
Then the class telephone rang.
It was Miss Flannerty. “All-day recess!” she said. “And for homework, learn to spell ‘hangover’!”
Cliven dove head first into a bush.
He heard snuffling nearby, the sound of a predator searching out its prey.
“Dear Lord,” Cliven prayed, “I know my pet dragon started this whole thing, but… Could you stop the zombies from eating my brain? Please?”
The snuffling stopped.
The zombocalypse didn’t.
THE END