NEWS: Why I’ve Missed Two Days This Week

News, , ,

I missed posting stories this week on Tuesday and Wednesday, and for that I apologize. I intend to fill in those two days soon, probably this weekend. I’ll write some new stories and back-date them, so make sure you check back for those.

The reason I missed those stories was that on Tuesday I proposed to my girlfriend, and she said yes! So I’ve been a little preoccupied with happiness and phone calls, and writing stories fell by the wayside. I’ll do my best not to let it happen again. :)

Thank you to everyone who follows to the site for being understanding!

An Important Discovery

Amusing, Odd, , ,

A glowing box with a door poofed into the middle of the world’s first patent office with an electric flash. A haggard man burst out of it.

“Sir, quickly! I’ve come from the past to claim a patent!”

“Certainly,” said the patent officer. “On what?”

“I call it Chewing Gum!”

A pH of 2ish

Odd, , , , , ,

Gideon was filling in a hole. He was filling it with acid and dirt, but mostly acid.

He hoped a polar bear would fall in and have all its fur burned off, and then he could laugh at the bear for being naked.

His plan didn’t really extend beyond that.

Janice Stemple: Leviathan Tamer

Amusing, Odd, Submissions, , , , , ,

“So are you in?” asked Janice, brandishing a stack of brand new business cards.

“I like your enthusiasm,” said the investor, “but…”

Janice frowned. “But what?”

“I’m not sure the world really needs a Leviathan Tamer.”

He felt differently in the morning, in a sort of slobbery, lifeless, half-digested way.

This story was based on a title suggested by @MisterFiendZero.

SABRINA A. HICKS: Blue-Eyed Love

Submissions, Touching, , , ,

Pam’s boss asked her to help raise some puppies that he’d found. Pam was quick to offer her help. She sincerely promised her husband, “No more dogs.” They would find homes.

Little Leo, with his pink nose and blue eyes, has now been part of Pam’s family for three years.

Sabrina Hicks has a passion for writing and animal rights. Besides writing she donates time at animal shelters and now owns three dogs, one cat, and a bird.

Editor’s Note: Aaaaaaaawww…

The Tweet Detective

Amusing, Puns and Wordplay, , ,

Head tilted to one side, the Tweet Detective listened intently.

There it was: “Caw-tweet-caw!”

“I must know what species of bird that is!” cried the Tweet Detective. “It will solve the entire murder!”

He thought for a moment, then withdrew his iPhone, opened Twitter, and asked the internet for help.

This story was based on a title suggested by @Beryllium.

The Bird-men of Startaria

Odd, , , ,

With their beady eyes and sharpened beaks, the old men from Startaria looked eerily birdlike. They were experts in appearance manipulation. Plastic surgeons and anthropologists from around the world spent lifetimes trying to learn the Startarians’ secrets.

But when questioned, the old men just made cooing sounds in their throats.

Martian Window Shopper

Amusing, Touching, , , ,

It stepped gingerly from floor tile to floor tile, peering through the panes of glass with eyes widened by wonder and awe.

“Why ya gettin’ all googly-eyed?” asked a child. “Ain’tcha never seen a candy store before?”

It hadn’t. And its translator was broken.

It felt threatened. It reacted poorly.

This story was based on a title suggested by @Keab42.

Autumn in the Pacific Northwest

Amusing, Touching, , , , ,

After thirty days of rain, the clouds got bored, so they made it snow, instead.

People whined and complained, but the clouds didn’t speak English, because they had come from Brazil.

The local government hired some Brazilians to complain to the clouds on their behalf. It didn’t really work, though.

CATH BARTON: An Innocent Pastime

Amusing, Submissions, Touching, , , ,

I learned to knit when I was two. Now I can follow complicated patterns and all my friends receive knitted creations for their birthdays.

My husband is annoyed by the click-clack of my needles, and I suspect he is plotting his revenge. Perhaps he’ll knit me up in my shroud.

Cath Barton lives in Wales. She has many pastimes, including writing, but is not a great knitter.