Tag Archives: eat

Soup at Midnight

Every night, Reginald tossed and turned in his bed, covering his ears with his pillow, but the slurping and sipping and smacking just wouldn’t stop.

He never said anything, though; the rent was too good to risk a conflict.

He eventually began to wonder about all the “Missing Pet” posters.

This story was based on a title suggested by @ugotpauld.

I Want To Eat My Flatmate

I want to eat my flatmate
I think he knows it, too
He watches me suspiciously
Whenever we buy food

It’s happening tomorrow
I’m going to boil his head
Wait: is this a man-shaped pan
Hidden beneath his bed?

I want to eat my flatmate
He may eat me instead

This story/poem is based on a title suggested by @big_poppa_G.

The Carrot and the Bo Staff

“Eat your rice pudding, young man!”

“I don’ wanna!”

“Eat it all up, or you won’t get any ninja turtles!”

“But Mooooooooooom…”

“I’ll tell the store to never let you have a Donatello ever!”

That did it. Little Billy ate rice pudding every day for the rest of his life.

The Luxuriant Life

“Finally!” complained Fluffy the cat in the softly exasperated voice of a young mother. “The kittens are down for nap time. All they ever do is eat, sleep, and whine!”

Mittens, her husband, mewed appreciatively. “What should we do with our free time?”

“Grab a snack and get some shuteye.”

Eat Your Heart Out

“Want to go out tonight?” Kevin asked.

“I’d rather stay in,” said Jack. “It’s been a rough week. I went to break-up dinners with different girls on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday.”

“I can see how that would be emotionally draining…”

“Emotionally? Heck no. But I’ve gained, like, seven pounds!”

True Wisdom

“Life is like pizza,” Giovanni once told me. “You can cover it with different toppings, but the core ingredients are the same. And no matter how you prepare it, some people enjoy eating it more than others.”

I thought he was so wise. Then I learned he was a cannibal.