Monthly Archives: November 2010

Boogidy Boo!

He defended himself the only way he knew how: intimidation was his only real weapon.

“Boogidy boo!” he cried, arching his shoulders and spreading his arms to make himself look bigger.

The kitten mewled. It was blind, so it couldn’t see his Intimidation Pose anyways.

But the grizzly bear could.

Favouritiquette

“You’re my favourite, but she is my most favourite!”

“Now Jeffy, what have I told you about picking favourites?”

“Always be ready to change my mind, and it’s ok to make more than one person think they’re my favourite as long as they don’t both find out?”

“That’s my boy!”

Unanticipated Niche Markets

She was surprised by how well her product was selling. She had expected to get support from the feminist crowd, perhaps some attention in the local media, but instead she saw significant, straightforward financial success.

What the creator of Deter-Gent man-repelling laundry soap hadn’t anticipated were all the male purchasers.

Correlation Does Not Imply Causation

When he got his Visa bill, his eyes popped out of his skull.

They literally fell right out. We aren’t sure if something on the bill caused it, or if the two events were unrelated. All we know is that his eyeballs ended up on the floor.

It was gross.

She Didn’t Know What It Was

Gloria was a performer. She’d known it since the day she’d somersaulted out of the egg and into the fish tank with a brilliant smile and a saucy wink.

Now she performed synchronized swimming routines for the world-famous aquatic circus. With fame came fortune: she dined on caviar most evenings.

Giant Plastic Colander of the Soul

He let the stresses of life bleed off and burn away, leaving behind only his inner self.

Trapped inside his shell, life was difficult, but that was why, once a week, he removed his bodiless brain from his metal-and-plastic body, soaked in some formaldehyde, and just relaxed for a while.


I consider this story an informal companion to Like Inside-Out Acupuncture.

Anti-Virus

She sneezed into her elbow and wrinkled her nose.

“Blurgh, so gross” she said.

She couldn’t know that the contents of her nasal evacuation had contained a microscopic anti-viral agent, which attacked and destroyed a potentially human-eradicating new virus that had begun to grow on her sleeve.

Lucky for us, eh?


Full disclosure: I’m reading a Tom Clancy novel that involves an Ebola outbreak. Yikes!