All posts by Tim

I Learned Everything That Mattered Outside the Classroom

I learned a lot during my time at university. Like how to tie a perfect blindfold knot, how to throw a knife accurately, how to keep my bearings when I’m dizzy…

It was an eclectic skillset, and certainly not employable, but I won my wife’s heart at the county fair.

Gus the Goofy Gopher

Like many other runty rodents, Gus had an entirely undeserved nickname.

“Goofy Gopher,” his mom had affectionately called him. But the weasels found out.

Gus’s father said, “Reappropriate it. Go into stand-up. Make a name for yourself. Show them up.”

But it turned out Gus’s jokes just weren’t very funny.

NEWS: Win a Print Copy of Fifty-Word Stories: Volume One

If you don’t yet have a copy of Fifty-Word Stories: Volume One in print, how would you like a chance to win one?

On Monday, June 13, I will draw one name from a hat to win a print copy of Volume One.

How do you get your name in the hat? There are three “fronts” to the contest, and each can get you one entry. (That’s a maximum of three entries per person, for all you Math majors.)

First, you can share a link to FiftyWordStories.com on Twitter, making sure to include the hashtag #50wordstories.

Second, you can Like my new Page on Facebook.

Third, you can join in the discussion about the short story Saucer from my recent short fiction collection, Living and Dying. Everyone who comments on this blog post will receive an entry. If you haven’t read Saucer yet, get the collection here!

Good luck, everyone!

Note: If the winner lives outside of North America, they’ll have to cover the difference between the North American and outside-of-North-America shipping.

Motivation

She literally stood on her head trying to impress Dad enough for one sincere compliment.

But he just smiled and said she was “gym-nasty,” so she jumped off the balance beam and tackled him and they both laughed, and he still didn’t seem to understand why she practiced so hard.

The Curse of Planet X

“Where are we?” grumbled Trim, rolling out of bed.

“Planet X!” enthused Portly.

“What!? Why?!”

“I dunno,” said Portly. “It’s a ‘forbidden fruit’ thing, I guess.”

“But don’t you know about the Curse?”

“What curse?” said Portly.

Trim groaned haggardly. “Now we’ll never be able to recite the alphabet again!”


This story is based on a title suggested by @keab42.

 

The Particular Conundrum of Constable X

Constable X was an enigma to Constables Murphy and McDonough.

The Captain said Constable X worked solo because he’d lost partners before.

Something didn’t feel right about that, so they did a bit of prying.

Turned out he slept in his office all day.

And donned a mask at night.


This story is based on a title suggested by @MisterFiendZero.