Category Archives: Stories

AMY TOWNSLEY: The Regret

Amusing, Submissions, , ,

Well, this was certainly a surprise. Then again, he should have known it might happen. Things like this were always happening to him.

But still, it would have been nice to have had a bit of a heads-up this time. If he had known, he probably would have worn pants.

Amy Townsley is a mother of two originally from California but now living in Utah. She is currently a student at Weber State University studying English. She hopes to go on to pursue a MFA in Creative Writing and take a serious stab at this writing thing she has been flirting with for years.

Unhypothetical Butt-Kicking

Amusing, , , , , , , , ,

“Who do you think would win in a fight, Luke Skywalker or Aragorn?”

“What kind of stupid question is that?”

“How about Gandalf versus Darth Vader?”

“I’m not even going to acknowledge anything so dumb.”

“R2D2 versus Gollum?”

“Try this one: my boot versus your butt.”

Surprisingly, the butt won.

Every Which Way, or All He Ever Wanted In Life Were Some Cheese Byproducts

Amusing, Odd, Puns and Wordplay, , , , , ,

“MAKE WHEY FOR THE PRINCE!”

“Oh, sorry, I’ll step aside, didn’t see you coming.”

“WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!”

“I’m making way!”

“NO, NO, NO! I SAID ‘MAKE WHEY‘!!”

“Make weigh? What, does he need a scale to stand on?”

“ARE YOU CALLING HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS FAT!?”

“…No?”

“SUMMON THE EXECUTIONER!!”

Stay Out of the Sun

Odd, Puns and Wordplay, , , , , ,

Charlie the Cow was allergic to leather. He had to stay out of the sun, because if he stood in the sun for too long his skin would get tanned.

…Get it? His skin would gettanned? Like, y’know, it would turn into leather. And he was allergic to leather…

THICKE AND EDGELOW 13: Layers Upon Layers

Thicke and Edgelow, , , ,

“Did you just shoot the chief of police?” asked Timothy Thicke, incredulous.

“No,” grunted Evan Edgelow. “It’s a mask.” He peeled off the imposter’s fake face.

“Wait,” said Thicke. “It’s another mask.” Underneath the second mask was the chief of police.

“Hold on… A third mask?”

Phew. No fourth one.

Doody

Amusing, , , , , , ,

The cowboy walked up to the toddler, who was sitting on the cowboy’s hat. “Howdy!” he said.

“Doody!” said the toddler.

“Baw haw haw!” said the cowboy. “I love Howdy Doody! Great minds think alike, pardner!”

“Doody!”

“That’s right, you’ve–” The cowboy sniffed. “Aw, crap, little pardner. In my hat!?”

EBON WUMON: Scott Davidson, the Go-Getter

Amusing, Submissions, , , , ,

There once was a dragon named Scott Davidson. The higher-ups liked him, a real go-getter. He was destined for the top.

One day, he was covering for Robert, the hiring manager. An applicant walked in and screamed, “HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL! IT’S AN UGLY DRAGON!”

Scott ate him.

The End.

Ebon Wumon originally submitted this story as an entry in the Mere 50 Words contest.

Y-People Origins: Plague Girl

Odd, Touching, , , , ,

Everyone was avoiding Martina like the plague. (Well, to be fair, they only avoided her “like the plague” because she had the Plague and was quarantined, but they did it very rudely!)

Martina stewed in resentment until she became an evil villain. Then she died. Of the Plague, of course.

Where’d They Get a Toaster Big Enough?

Odd, ,

She ate toast obsessively. Her friends called “Toasty McToaststerstonst,” even though she told them it was completely ridiculous to have that many esses and tees in one word.

For Halloween she dressed up as a piece of bread and some drunk guys stuffed her in a toaster. She got burned.

Oy Vey; What a Chore

Amusing, Odd

Tara told Tammy to try to stop telling tall tales. But Tammy bragged about her bossy big brother Ben: he had the hugest, heaviest head. Fortunately, Fred’s freakish feet were far funnier. Larry and Laurie laughed and laughed and laughed, long and loud.

Alice ardently, angrily ate all the alliterators.