Death’s hand, which I shook reluctantly, was a plumped pillow.
“You’re safe,” he said. “For now.”
“I pictured you as a, you know—”
“Skeleton? You should’ve seen me before the Western diet.” Laughter rippled his corpulence. “Doctor’s telling me to eat better, but she thinks I’m lying about my work.”
Iain Young hasn’t forgotten the childhood nightmare in which he was chased by angry vegetables. That might explain a lot.
“Halt, dragon!” called the knight.
“Who are you calling a dragon?”
“Oh, pardon me,” said the knight. “You looked like a dragon from behind.”
“How rude! I’m just big-boned!”
“I’m terribly sorry, gentle lizard. How can I make it up to you?”
“Don’t struggle,” said the dragon, and ate him.
Bollenhall is not a nice place. It is hot, dry, and boring. Very few tourists go there on vacation.
Most of Bollenhall’s residents leave when they reach adulthood. The mayor passed a “free cake on Thursdays” bylaw to convince people to stay.
Bollenhall’s residents are hot, dry, bored, and fat.
This story was based on the prompt “but there’s cake” at TypeTrigger. Read other writers’ responses here.
Jonathan had a special relationship with his shirt buttons.
You see, Jonathan was corpulent, rotund. He relied on his buttons to keep his portliness in check.
But Jonathan never said “Please” or “Thank you” to his buttons, and they got fed up.
So during an important meeting, they ran away.
This story is based on a title suggested by @kinogami.
“Have you seen my wallet?”
“No, honey, and stop trying to change the subject. Just tell me… Does this dress make me look fat?”
“I would never tell you a dress made you look fat. You’re beautiful.”
“Aw, that’s so sweet.”
“The other dress makes you look very trim, though.”
“MAKE WHEY FOR THE PRINCE!”
“Oh, sorry, I’ll step aside, didn’t see you coming.”
“WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!”
“I’m making way!”
“NO, NO, NO! I SAID ‘MAKE WHEY‘!!”
“Make weigh? What, does he need a scale to stand on?”
“ARE YOU CALLING HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS FAT!?”
“…No?”
“SUMMON THE EXECUTIONER!!”
The bumbling magician bought a larger cage for his fat white rabbit. Its obesity meant it no longer fit inside the magician’s top hat and couldn’t perform.
Only when the magician noticed significant weight loss in his other white rabbit did he realize he was feeding one of them twice.
This is the second in a series of five stories submitted by King Kool.
“Oh yeah? Well your mama’s so fat she got hired by the fire department so people could fall out of burning apartment buildings and land on her without getting hurt! And she likes it!”
His friends hooted. “Solid comeback, mang!”
I folded my arms and sniffed derisively. “Your mama was so fat she died.”
Editor’s Note: This story was based on a call on Twitter for an adjective, a verb, and an adverb. @davefp responded with solid, fall, and derisively.