Gloria was a performer. She’d known it since the day she’d somersaulted out of the egg and into the fish tank with a brilliant smile and a saucy wink.
Now she performed synchronized swimming routines for the world-famous aquatic circus. With fame came fortune: she dined on caviar most evenings.
She sneezed into her elbow and wrinkled her nose.
“Blurgh, so gross” she said.
She couldn’t know that the contents of her nasal evacuation had contained a microscopic anti-viral agent, which attacked and destroyed a potentially human-eradicating new virus that had begun to grow on her sleeve.
Lucky for us, eh?
Full disclosure: I’m reading a Tom Clancy novel that involves an Ebola outbreak. Yikes!
“Honey, I’ve made a fairly significant purchase,” he told his wife.
“Is it a car?” she asked.
“Is it a house?” she asked.
“Is it a Learjet?” she asked.
“Is it a small South American island nation?” she asked.
“Yes,” he said. “It’s all on our very own Minecraft server!”
As a robot, he was made of technology. He wasn’t really a fan of the stuff: when he wasn’t upgrading his operating system, he was patching his peripherals or flashing his BIOS.
But every now and then he got to update his firmware, and on those days, life was good.
I should have run for office when I had a fighting chance, before the scandals: my son’s arrest and my wife’s affair did me in.
Now it’s four years later and I’m getting crucified by my opponent; somehow she’s the one leading the polls.
My ex-wife hasn’t changed a bit.
Sean Pravica is a journalist and photographer living in southern California.
He could no longer deny it: he was turning into a cat. He had thicker and thicker hair growing all over his body, he took frequent naps, he saw things during the night…
She could no longer deny it: he was getting older, and he thought he was a cat.
“I’m very rich,” he told her.
“I have seven doctorate degrees,” he told her.
“I’m an Olympic gold medallist in track and field,” he told her.
“I have starred in three different Broadway productions,” he told her.
“I’m wanted in fourteen states for forgery, perjury, and fraud,” he told her.
It was a dark and stormy night.
The meteorologists were all very confused. They had anticipated darkness (because the first lesson of Meteorology 100 is that it’s always dark at night, which tended to confuse the Alaskans), but most of them had only predicted light showers.
Actually, none of them cared.
Cheeks burning with the scalding flames of embarrassment, he walked swiftly in the opposite direction from which he had come. The startled shriek and the accusing scowl had brought him to the sudden realization that the pink room containing no urinals was not a place in which he was welcome.
Hayden always reads the signs now.
Jane liked yogourt.
Jake liked pudding.
They had little spats about which one was better pretty frequently. Mother told them they shouldn’t spit, though, so they started having tiffs, instead. Mother told them tiffs were an outdated file format, though, so they started bickering instead. Mom said that was ok.