It was Sun Day in Antarctica.
The penguins had been waiting all year to don their sunglasses, waddle out from their igloos, and flop onto their backs to catch a few rays.
Nearby, the evil communist polar bears peered through their binoculars, awaiting their leader’s signal.
Luckily, Pingu spotted them.
When Buster the puppy wasn’t sleeping, he was eating. When he wasn’t eating, he was playing. When he wasn’t playing, he was either sleeping or eating. He didn’t have a very complicated life, well, except on Thursdays, which was when he genetically engineered his super soldiers in the laundry room.
This story was based on a title suggested by @StoicRomance.
Gus poked his head into the fridge. There were three bottles of milk lined up on the top shelf. The label on the first one said, “Safe to Drink”. The label on the second one said, “Biochemistry experiment – poisonous!” The label on the third one said, “Other labels potentially backwards”.
The idea for this story came from a suggestion by @meur1234.
“Gimme the jelly beans!”
“I’m sorry, what?” I turned around. There was a person with a shotgun standing on the other side of the counter looking menacing.
“Empty out the jelly bean vending machine! Now!”
“Ok, ok!” I slowly stepped around the counter and did it.
He ate them all.
This story was inspired by @Ponza on Twitter.
The former mayor sat pouting in the gutter. “He’s hoodwinked them all with his luscious, bushy beard!” he muttered. “I must uncover his secret! But how?”
“Did somebody say ‘Butt Howe’?” wheedled a large rat wearing a silk top hat. “At your service!”
“You can help me?”
“For a price.”
This story is a sequel to this story.
“I’m sinking in the quicksand! Toss me a vine!”
“There aren’t any long enough to reach!”
“What about that one? It’s, like, seven feet long!”
She leapt for the vine, but there were too many walnuts on the ground, and she tripped on them.
His last words: “Worst. Vacation. Ever.”
This story was based on the following tweetful of suggestions from @KingKool: “Too many walnuts! The worst vacation! Seven feet long! Rapidly sinking in quicksand! Etc.”
“Aaaaah! A zombie!”
The room full of business executives burst into chaos as the fatcats scrambled for the exits.
“Wait!” called the zombie. “I’m not like those horror-movie zombies! I don’t want to hurt you!”
Everyone froze in astonishment. Then:
“Aaaaah! A talking zombie!”
The zombie sighed. “Theodore was right…”
They ran through the forest, fishing poles slapping against their back. They ran as fast as possible, each trying desperately to edge past the other. They looked around and, seeing a suitable tree, began to climb. They sat at the very top; laughing and smiling.
But the bears could climb.
J.M. Valentino likes to take time between being an international man of mystery and bagging the hot green alien chick to write. More of his work can be found at www.irregularreading.blogspot.com.
“Finally!” complained Fluffy the cat in the softly exasperated voice of a young mother. “The kittens are down for nap time. All they ever do is eat, sleep, and whine!”
Mittens, her husband, mewed appreciatively. “What should we do with our free time?”
“Grab a snack and get some shuteye.”
“First, we take the deadly iocaine powder and stir it into the jug of fruit punch. Now, we dip the carrot into the mixture, and… Voila! Look closely, but do not inhale!”
“Isn’t this kind of dangerous?” asked one of the students.
“Good Science is always dangerous,” intoned Professor Westley.
This story was based on the title, as suggested by @LaurenceFawkes via Twitter.