Category Archives: Puns and Wordplay

JEREMY PETTER: Dark and Stormy Night

Amusing, Puns and Wordplay, Submissions, , , , , , ,

Lightning crashed.

Wind whistled through the trees. He was only halfway through Greensleeves before Lightning asked if whistling was not maybe just a bit too jaunty, given their predicament.

Wind complied as he helped his friend untangle himself from his airbag. “Just try not to crash so hard next time.”

Jeremy Petter is a student of English Literature and Theatre at the University of Victoria. Until recently, he wrote, performed, and sometimes edited funny things for LoadingReadyRun.com, but he’s on indefinite hiatus at the moment to grow his brain. He is a co-organizer of Desert Bus for Hope, and an avid fan of ducks.

NICK JOHNS: Folk Wisdom

Puns and Wordplay, Submissions, , , , , ,

“Will she be faithful? I must find out.”

“I can divine the future from anything you own – pass me that jug from your breakfast table.”

“Whoops! Sorry! Thought it was empty…”

“Idiot! Your fate cannot now be foreseen.”

“Why?”

“All men know: there’s no use scrying over spilled milk.”

Nick Johns lives in Sandhurst, UK. A retired cat wrestler, he now breeds mongrel flash fictions for release into the wild.

Born For This

Puns and Wordplay, , , , , , , , ,

An ostrich, a penguin, and a barn swallow walk into a bar.

The ostrich and the penguin seem uncomfortable. “Are birds like us allowed here?” they ask nervously.

“Follow my lead,” says the barn swallow. “No one will bother you as long as you sit at the bar ‘n’ swallow.”

This story is based on a prompt suggested by @Matt_LRR.

Caught With His Tongue in the Toilet Bowl

Odd, Puns and Wordplay, , , , , , , ,

“Ruff woof,” said Fido, wagging his tail, but Max just said, “Bad dog,” and put him out in the back yard, because Max didn’t understand the witty wordplay (barkplay?) Fido was using, which involved a canine equivalent of something like “putting the ‘toy’ in ‘toilet’,” and was really very clever.

LISA MCNAUGHTON: Pushing Forty

Artistic, Puns and Wordplay, Submissions, , , , ,

Her name was Marion: patience of Ms. Nightingale; sternness of a schoolteacher; the humanity of a friend. She delivered our baby at 4:55 AM.

Shift over, she slipped on her leather trousers and jacket, a pair of biker boots, and a bright red helmet. So incongruous: perhaps her own midwife crisis?

Lisa is an English teacher who enjoys writing, sewing and designing jewellery, sometimes all at once!

Samantha is Special

Amusing, Puns and Wordplay, , , , , , ,

Dad was jolted awake and screamed. Then he screamed again, but differently.

Mom ran in. Dad lay face-down, groaning.

Little Samantha stood beside him, holding a sparking wire.

Dad raised his head, and Mom saw… a toddler’s face?

“Samantha, what did you do?!”

“I electrocuted him,” she grinned.

BONUS – LARISSA THIESSEN: Why Do We Come Here?

Amusing, Puns and Wordplay, Submissions, Touching, , , , , , , ,

Every Saturday morning the tables were set up. Goods new and used, handmade and home baked, were put out to browse through.

Every Saturday morning they came, tails tucked between their legs, cowering at the ends of their leashes.

The dogs would never understand the draw of the flea market.

This bonus story was written by Larissa Thiessen. It’s her birthday today, the last birthday she’ll have with the last name “Thiessen,” and that’s largely my fault!

One Wrong Answer

Amusing, Puns and Wordplay, , , , , , , , , , , ,

“Darling Cynthia, please give me just one more chance!”

“Why should I settle for an imperfect suitor?” sniffed Cynthia. “You answered a question wrong!”

“I’ll change my answer! I’ll change anything! Just tell me how!”

Cynthia considered. “Fine, one more chance. After all, I am the fairest of them all.”

This story is based on a title suggested by @Sir_Oddington.

Retro Niche

Puns and Wordplay, , , , , , ,

It was her last day on the job.

She had been hired to define and monetize new niche markets for fashion accessories. The kneecklace had earned a following among recently married forty-year-old South American twins, especially when combined with pop-star branding, but the wide-brimmed hats had been a real flop.

I apologize.

Field Work

Puns and Wordplay, , , , , , , ,

Ploughing, seeding, threshing, baling…

To Farmer Bucket, the unceasing cycle felt like being caught in a tumble dryer that reeked of diesel and hay.

But once a month, he went to the coffee shop and people-watched, gathering observations for his research.

Farmer Bucket was very passionate about his field work.